Raising Boys

 Today I have a guest post - did you guess who it would be?  It's written by my husband, who assures me that I won't regret posting it.  I think I already have.  Seriously, my husband is an excellent writer and I am happy to include his male perspective on my blog.  He also says some very nice things about me which, for the record, I had no idea he was going to say. 

Husband and cake

 As parents of boys, we spend quite a bit of time around and among ‘boy’ things.  Legos, of course, are an enduring theme, but nearly anything can be turned into a building toy, or a rocket, truck, car, airplane, or machine gun.  In fact, since we don’t allow toy weapons, a certain amount of improvisation is inevitable.  And then there are the noises.  There are just some noises that all boys know how to make.  If you are male or have male children of a certain age, you know what I’m talking about.  Explosions, gunfire, jet engines, laser blasts.  All of these noises can be readily and accurately reproduced by any six year old boy.  If you don’t believe me, ask one.  I dare you.

Mom was NOT informed

 If you are female, you’re thinking, “some things never change”.  You’re right.  A portion of every man remains in that boy place.   The toys we choose may differ, but the essentials never do.  Come to think of it, men and boys of any age would most likely choose the same toys if we could.  It’s just that for a grown man, there is no one around to say, “No, you can’t have that chainsaw/samurai sword/Corvette”.

Unfortunately, though, the toy does not make the man.  Last year I purchased a knife for camping.  It's black and cool looking, and I believe the manufacturer used the term ‘Tactical’ in the description.  Yet, surprisingly, I have not been invited to join any SWAT or paramilitary groups.  The trappings of manliness are wonderfully fun, but not enough to make one a man.  Nor is marriage, or fatherhood for that matter.

Fast things!

So what does “make the man”?  And, more importantly, what must be done to teach our boys to be men?  Two qualities often associated with manhood are strength and toughness.  Society often emphasizes the physical forms of strength and equates toughness with a lack of emotion or with strong negative emotions such as anger.  You need only watch an action movie trailer to see the modern popular view of manliness. 

Even faster things!

 But few parents aspire to teach just the popular interpretation of the masculine.  Indeed there is so much more to strength and toughness.  For our boys, strength is best measured in the strength to believe and feel and decide as they know is right.  An independence of spirit and an intrepid desire to explore the world are aspects of strength that must not be discounted.  And it takes strength to care for people.  Not just to like or love someone, but to take on the act of caring for others.  Compassion is a form of strength that is not so coveted as the brute type.

Cool haircuts

  Likewise, toughness need not only apply to the ability to take a punch a la Rocky Balboa.  It’s not easy to be mentally tough in a media atmosphere that wants to tell us what we want, what we need, and what everyone else thinks of us.  Critical thinking is real toughness.  If the Marlboro Man were truly as tough as he looks, he never would have started smoking in the first place.



 These qualities of manliness are what I want for my boys.  If they can learn to have the strength to love and the toughness to think for themselves, they will be truly exceptional men indeed.  But where, you might ask, do they learn such admirable qualities?  Well, as much as I would like to take credit for teaching them these manly essentials, I must confide that I don’t think I am the only, or even the chief influence in this regard.  As is so often the case, our boys learn much of what it means to be men from their mom.

My wife is a beautiful woman, and very feminine.  But, with regard to the qualities above, she is also one of the manliest people I know.   Every single day, she teaches our boys, and me for that matter, how to have true strength.  She has the strength to face a day with four young children who are full of energy and say, “I think I’ll teach them myself”  She has the strength to love, and, even  more than that, the compassion to show that love to people who are cruel or unappreciative.

Moreover, my lovely bride of nearly ten years, has the toughness to do what is best for our children.  She believes in home schooling.  She is passionate about giving our children the very best she can even in the face of criticism and resistance from people she never would have expected would object.  She makes up her own mind in a world that wants to tell her she’s wrong.

I don’t know a stronger or tougher person.  I have learned so much about being a man from my wife.  And I am so thankful that our boys will learn what it means to be a man from a woman like her.

Kevin